Since My Last Post...

I haven't been writing in quite a while, and there are a lot of reasons for that.

Reasons I'm not sure I'm ready to share yet, but I will say that life after surgery and after the crucial few weeks where you need a caregiver is rough. 

It can be deafeningly lonely, stressful, frustrating, depressing, but somehow beautiful. I'm not ready to go into all of the details yet, but will give you some updates on my progress, medically.

I'm on the third peg of the Therabite as of Sunday (Dec. 21) and it is not fun... I will say though that my jaws feel so much stronger and stretching just a little bit before doing the exercise helps a lot. Also, doing it right at bedtime and as soon as you wake up help as well, to try to bridge the time gap between exercises as much as possible.

My stitches from my abdomen were removed and steri-strips took their place for 10 days. Those are now all off and I have no more pain in that area! Finally!

I think this is super gross, but as far as stitches go, it looks great.

The stitches in my ears have almost all completely come out and the areas are healing really well.

This is what they look like as the fall out. Again, kinda gross.

The draining tube sites below my ears just kind of look like small breakouts and are a little sensitive to the touch, but nothing significant by any means. 

Things I've Learned:

Chapstick is crucial. Without chapstick I am not happy.

I have become obsessed with dental hygiene. 5 breaks a day = brushing 5 times a day.

Wax is important. 

Blisters inside your mouth are not cool.

Use your wax.

Baby food is not supplement. Eat something real.

Throwing up through the splint is a real thing, and it's real shitty.

Mocking, being made fun of, discrimination, and laughter are waiting for me where I least expect it.

How you handle that is what gets you through it.

It's okay to cry.

It's okay to sit on the couch and watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas while snuggling a stuffed monkey your Aunt sent you for a day. Or two.

I have lost my positivity, but I am determined to get it back.

I am incredibly lucky, blessed, loved, and privileged.

My "speech impairment" makes some people totally uncomfortable.

It's their loss. I'm hilarious.

A lot more people can understand me than I would expect. 

I over-do it almost every single day, and pay for it with back and neck pain, and occasionally muscle spasms.

I am not fully capable of everything I once was, but I will be soon.

Waiting is hard.

Jeopardizing what I've been blessed with is worth the wait.

Being made fun of, ridiculed, mocked, and seeing the insensitivity and ignorance of others towards my condition is really what has brought me down. I know that I'm strong enough to overcome it, and really just needed a week to regroup, think about it, let it hurt, remember they are tiny, insignificant beings, and get over it. 

I've grown apart from friends who have not asked how I'm doing since it was first known that I was going to have surgery and have remained absent since then; I've have made new ones along the way who are suffering with similar symptoms as I. I've been contacted by so many wonderful people asking for my opinions, experiences, and support, which has been amazing and humbling. For now, I'm ready to work on myself, get back to where I'm happy and continue to HEAL daily. Physically and beyond.

I have had some pretty great moments with amazing friends who spent their time making me laugh, healing my heart, and pulling me into adventures that I needed more than I knew. And yes, getting a flat tire and spending four hours dealing with it with a friend who won't leave your side is an adventure that you didn't know you needed until it was over.

In the meantime...

That's all for now; I will write more when the words come to me. In the mean time, ice packs, my heating pad, scrambled eggs, plushy throw blankets, Chiropractic visits, and non-skid socks have become a few of my favorite things.