For as much as she's stumbled, she's running.

May the damage of her days disappear... 

Yesterday marked three weeks post-op for me! It's been a journey...

Updates:

My opening used to deviate to the left when I opened my mouth. My mouth now opens straight! I took a video in excitement.

I'm on Peg 3 of the Therabite and it's getting easier... Can't wait to get to 5 and brag about how strong I am. 

I'm less drowsy and am able to get up and do more each day.

I've discontinued Relafen, the anti-inflammatory as instructed.

Yesterday, my favorite Christmas gift was graduating to 30 minute breaks!

My neck and back pain are what bother me the most, but Chiropractic therapy is helping! Finding my trigger points and knowing how to treat them at home has been a big help, too.

I have occasional jaw pain in the splint, when I lift out of it, or accidentally jolt my jaws to the side when out of the splint. 

My teeth are pretty sore from the braces and pressure from the rubber bands.

Yesterday, I HAD CAKE. And Christmas dinner (With a little help from the Ninja).

I'm currently taking Vitamins to help with joint health and scar healing.

Glucosamine/Chondroitin - These are used for osteoarthritis, to slow destruction/reduce pain. They are HORSE PILLS times a million. I have to crush them and mix with baby food. They taste disgusting, so mix with something you don't like. (I use apple sauce)

Vitamin E & Vitamin C - for scar healing, I was told (assuming they're referring to the incision on my abdomen and small incisions in my ears). 

My scalp sensitivity is back - I had this right after surgery very intensely; My scalp and temples have been sensitive and very painful to the touch. Jeff at the Clinic says it is most likely due to clenching, and increased my dosage of Trazodone. 

I'm finding more foods to eat, but am lacking in the meat department. Stuffing, rice and beans, pulled pork, and biscuits and gravy are current favorites. 

My family seems to be coming down with the plague and seeing as I can barely breathe through my mouth in this thing, I'm taking all the precautions! 

Life is good; last week (and month) were rough. Job and personal issues, and not having a sweet puppy to come home to and love on have made things difficult, but I'm ready to face forward and look to what the future holds.

Enjoy the little things.

Like baby ducks...

Eating PB from the jar...

(For the days that aren't so good)

Holding a puppy hand,

Cute quotes from your tea...

Sassy needlepoint,

And quotes from Myrtle Snow.

Since My Last Post...

I haven't been writing in quite a while, and there are a lot of reasons for that.

Reasons I'm not sure I'm ready to share yet, but I will say that life after surgery and after the crucial few weeks where you need a caregiver is rough. 

It can be deafeningly lonely, stressful, frustrating, depressing, but somehow beautiful. I'm not ready to go into all of the details yet, but will give you some updates on my progress, medically.

I'm on the third peg of the Therabite as of Sunday (Dec. 21) and it is not fun... I will say though that my jaws feel so much stronger and stretching just a little bit before doing the exercise helps a lot. Also, doing it right at bedtime and as soon as you wake up help as well, to try to bridge the time gap between exercises as much as possible.

My stitches from my abdomen were removed and steri-strips took their place for 10 days. Those are now all off and I have no more pain in that area! Finally!

I think this is super gross, but as far as stitches go, it looks great.

The stitches in my ears have almost all completely come out and the areas are healing really well.

This is what they look like as the fall out. Again, kinda gross.

The draining tube sites below my ears just kind of look like small breakouts and are a little sensitive to the touch, but nothing significant by any means. 

Things I've Learned:

Chapstick is crucial. Without chapstick I am not happy.

I have become obsessed with dental hygiene. 5 breaks a day = brushing 5 times a day.

Wax is important. 

Blisters inside your mouth are not cool.

Use your wax.

Baby food is not supplement. Eat something real.

Throwing up through the splint is a real thing, and it's real shitty.

Mocking, being made fun of, discrimination, and laughter are waiting for me where I least expect it.

How you handle that is what gets you through it.

It's okay to cry.

It's okay to sit on the couch and watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas while snuggling a stuffed monkey your Aunt sent you for a day. Or two.

I have lost my positivity, but I am determined to get it back.

I am incredibly lucky, blessed, loved, and privileged.

My "speech impairment" makes some people totally uncomfortable.

It's their loss. I'm hilarious.

A lot more people can understand me than I would expect. 

I over-do it almost every single day, and pay for it with back and neck pain, and occasionally muscle spasms.

I am not fully capable of everything I once was, but I will be soon.

Waiting is hard.

Jeopardizing what I've been blessed with is worth the wait.

Being made fun of, ridiculed, mocked, and seeing the insensitivity and ignorance of others towards my condition is really what has brought me down. I know that I'm strong enough to overcome it, and really just needed a week to regroup, think about it, let it hurt, remember they are tiny, insignificant beings, and get over it. 

I've grown apart from friends who have not asked how I'm doing since it was first known that I was going to have surgery and have remained absent since then; I've have made new ones along the way who are suffering with similar symptoms as I. I've been contacted by so many wonderful people asking for my opinions, experiences, and support, which has been amazing and humbling. For now, I'm ready to work on myself, get back to where I'm happy and continue to HEAL daily. Physically and beyond.

I have had some pretty great moments with amazing friends who spent their time making me laugh, healing my heart, and pulling me into adventures that I needed more than I knew. And yes, getting a flat tire and spending four hours dealing with it with a friend who won't leave your side is an adventure that you didn't know you needed until it was over.

In the meantime...

That's all for now; I will write more when the words come to me. In the mean time, ice packs, my heating pad, scrambled eggs, plushy throw blankets, Chiropractic visits, and non-skid socks have become a few of my favorite things.

Post-Op and HAPPINESS.

[December 5] We arrived at the Piper Clinic around 10:00 on Friday, straight from the hospital, and they removed all my bandages and tape that had been put on. They examined all of my incisions and kept saying how great I looked in terms of swelling. They also took a CT scan of my NEW DISCS!!

Woohoo! Look at all that space above the condyles!

My swelling still hasn't gone down completely and I am numb at the incision sites around my ears and a bit on my scalp. They are the most sensitive areas besides my abdomen, but everything will be checked out again tomorrow, on Monday.

Oh how I wish I could slap a filter on that swelling picture, but it is what it is (not that it would help any). I was swollen for many days, but it was covered by my hair. and decreased steadily.

The incision was so sensitive because once open, they had to pull from the surrounding areas to find enough fat. It is slightly bruised and OHMYGOD it does not want you to move. Getting up and sitting down were the worst, but it gets better.

I think my skin was irritated from just having taken the ice packs off. I did not look red after surgery, or during recovery. This is just to show the draining tube sites (at the bottom of my ears) and you can also kind of see the incision sites as well (at the top of my ears).

Being home has been nice; The medicine regime is pretty intense and if my family wasn't here, I don't know what I'd do. The medicines are all staggered throughout different times of the day to prevent them from reacting with each other. We've really had to play around with different options and find the right supplement drinks and smoothie recipes that work for me. Especially with having to crush up so many pills; they taste disgusting. I had a choking episode today that lasted 30 minutes. I felt like my discs were going to pop out of place. Pro tip: Do not try to chug medicine through a syringe. Slow and steady, even though it's awful tasting.

All of the lovely medications that are recommended, at least 80% of which I needed. Pill crusher is key!! A mortar bowl and pestle do not cut it. We tried.

[December 6] I went out for a walk downtown and sat with my family at lunch. I had my Boost drink and glass of water and didn't even feel murder-y while watching them eat their french fries and other delicious things I tried not to look at! My sister visited, and brought goodies for me...

One of the best movies of all time, obviously.

We then went for a walk on the pier which was really nice. Very quiet, just a little chilly, and overcast so that the sun wouldn't cause me any issues with all of the medications.

Talking with the splint in is very frustrating because I can barely understand myself and my family is having an even harder time. It is getting better and better, though. My boyfriend actually just called and was able to understand me over the phone! They are all picking up on my speech very well, which is good because the more I try to enunciate, the more strain is put on my jaws. A small dry erase board has been my best friend. I'm finding now (almost a week later, as I wrote this entry the day after surgery and am now updating on 12/17) that talking strains the back of my neck more than my jaws. Being tired or in pain puts a big damper on my speech, and talking on the phone to other people is challenging.

Here are more photos of what our weekend consisted of; Lots of quality time with the heating pad, taking naps, and going for walks! Walking outside in the fresh air at my own pace kept my nausea under control more than I can tell you. We even discovered that one of my close-by neighbors has three beautiful white ducks; I was so jacked up on pain medication that I thought it was a dream. But, lucky for me, they're real.

[December 8] We met with Dr. Piper bright and early to have my incisions looked at; I was repeatedly told they look great! They clipped the wires from my splint, making it much easier to eat/drink through the splint. Painless and fast! Lisa is incredible and showed me... the jaw exercises. We'll get back to that in a bit. I also met with Dr. Hobbs, the Chiropractor who sees Dr. Piper's patients at the clinic who did some adjustments and left me feeling a bit better in my neck region.

To the right is me four days post-op! I truly believe that being so excited and positive about the entire process as well as going for a walk at least twice a day (a few blocks) did wonders.

They removed the wires and my Bane-looking rubber bands. Trust me, my friends: The wax that Dr. Jackson gave you for the braces will be your best friend in fighting away mouth sores and blisters.

There are hooks attached to the braces to allow the rubber bands to be put in place that cause a lot of irritation. Wax doesn't want to stick to them, but just putting it on the brackets puts space between the hooks and the inside of your mouth.

I've since bought GUM brand mint-flavored wax as recommended by another patient and like it; I think the free stuff the Doc gives out works just fine, though.

Back to those exercises... I now have 5 breaks out of the splint each day, for fifteen minutes. During this time, I take the bands out, do the exercises, eat, take medicine, brush my teeth, and put the bands back in. It sounds frantic, but from the beginning, I have had more than enough time. Eating food is THE BEST and I couldn't wait to do it, so I am now a very fast eater.

My first time out of the splint! Those rubber bands can be so tricky to get in and out and will pop you 'till your lip turns purple (it's happened) but I became a pro in no time.

Soup is good. Other "no chew" recommendations:

Scrambled eggs and grits

Macaroni & Cheese

Pasta with meat sauce

Chili

Chunky soups, pureed

Baby foods (my favorite brand is Beech Nut)

We bought a Ninja (Groupon: $40!) and it does wonderfully at just chopping everything. It does not liquify all of your food, although it can. We put pasta, chili, soups, and smoothies in it. It came with a smaller size container to blend in and a large pitcher, as well as lids for storage. 

This is the Therabite. It has five settings, each assisting your mouth in opening one inch. You do thirty pumps during each break, followed by "jiggles" where you place a large wooden tongue compressor between your upper and lower teeth and slide your jaws side to side quickly for five seconds, five times. 

Here it is in action. Hurts like hell the first few times, but it gets so much easier. The first pump is always the worst, and the morning is hard because you've spend so much time away from it. I graduated to the second peg a few days early because #1 became too easy. My jaws feel stronger already! They want me to be at Peg 5 by my six week visit.

Throughout the week, I saw Dr. Piper and Hobbs on Tuesday and again on Thursday. My stitches were removed on Thursday! The process was literally painless and I had no idea that Tonya had taken them out. Thera-strips took their place, to be removed after ten days, and oddly enough, the pain returned. I am finally comfortable with the incision again (December 17th). I get to take them off on Monday and can't wait! A soft, cotton maxi skirt was my best friend during all of the abdominal pain. Jeans are BAD and legging/yoga pants are tolerable.

[December 9] Five days after surgery, my Mom and I visited the Aquarium in Tampa which was great! She took eight days off of work to take care of me and my recovery would not be even half as successful without her. 

A little blurry to the left, but I was up and ready to go with tons of energy! I love my Mom's positive attitude towards everything and how she loves stopping and staring at every single display at the Aquarium just like me.

I have so many beautiful, kind-hearted, loving people in my life who took the time and thought to send me cards and gift baskets, as well as well-wishes and tons of phone calls and texts. I am so grateful for all of the love and support. My heart is so full and they have all brought so much happiness and even more good vibes for healing to me.

My former boss whom I truly adore sent this amazing gift basket full of the best stuff ever -- everything in here is amazing and of course I've already tried it all!

My amazing Aunt sent this awesome package full of goodies! A hilarious card, slushy maker, beauty products, house essentials and a monkey!!

 [December 12] The dreaded weekend; I had to return home (Central FL) to take my final exams, but got to spend a nice extended weekend visiting with family, and even got some Christmas shopping done. On my way out, got to play around with sister's new air rifle a bit, which was fun! Feeling like I'm back in the game! My energy levels have been very high and I've wanted to do more and more, but need to keep an eye on over-doing it for the sake of the Chiropractic work.

[December 15] Incisions are looking good! The "dissolving" stitches are still in tact and I think they kind of fall out more than just dissolve... I've never had them before, so I don't know how it works really. They're still attached pretty well and I don't mess with them as it's a bit painful too. Just still cleaning the areas thoroughly each day.

Flare-up alert! Over-did it today with wanting to do something with all of my energy and not letting the surgery keep me down. I cleaned the house, did laundry, cleaned the koi pond, washed dishes, and baked 102 cupcakes! My mom's students were promised a treat for being relatively good while she was gone, and I wanted to save her the hassle.

I've since seen Dr. Hobbs twice and he is helping immensely, and is filled with good advice.  We also decided to double my dosage of Trazodone, my nighttime medication to prevent clenching in hopes of getting my flare-ups and muscle spasms under control.

That's all for now... I've been icing my back and neck per Dr. Hobbs' orders all afternoon and have to go do big girl things now... I will update more later.

Just remember... Wake up each day with a kick-ass attitude!

And I think I'll end with this: Just because I have braces does not mean it's comical to tell me I look 12, 14, or whatever other ridiculously young age you would like to pin on me. Keep your negativity to yourself because there's too much positivity in me for it to fit, stick, or affect me.

YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID.

So don't waste your time trying.